The Lottery

 

Chris Jackson and I have a favorite game called, “When We Win the Lottery.”  I will teach you how to play.

Chris:  Did you know the lottery is up to 37 zillion dollars this week?

Me:  No.  Did you buy a ticket?

Chris:  Not yet.  We will take the cash option.  After taxes we will be left with roughly 6 million dollars. 

Me:  6 million?  Wow!  What do you want to do with all that money?

Chris:  I will continue working for insurance benefits and because I enjoy my job.  I don’t think we need to buy a new house or anything.  Maybe a new car?  We will set up trusts for the girls.  Give a large portion to the church in a trust.  We will put the rest in a mutual fund or some other investment vehicle.

Me:  Sounds good to me. 

But I just told my precious husband a lie.  Financial responsibility pulsates through his veins and breathes life into his non-materialistic lungs.  He means every word he just said and I love him for it. 

However, I have made other plans for this money. 

1.       Live-In Super Nanny.  Think sober companion for a mother of four year old triplets.  Super Nanny will be required to stay by my side all hours of the day and sleep in a cot by my bed at night.  This will give me the freedom to pick and choose which tantrums, melt-downs, explosions of crazy, fist fights, scratch combats, and verbal prizefights to facilitate using my outstanding parenting abilities.  When exhaustion kicks in (at approximately 8:43 am), I will allow Super Nanny to take care of the character building.  Clearly Super Nanny has what it takes to raise The Trifecta into the prison free citizens I hope them to be.  Nothing will bring me more joy than to someday reply to the question, “What are your girls doing now?” with the answer, “They are not serial killers.”

2.      Clutter Picker Uppers. Visualize the Tennis Ball Boys at Wimbledon.   Much like Super Nanny, Clutter Picker Uppers, or CPU’s, will work from sunrise to sunset.  They will wear clothes and face paint that camouflages their existence into the walls of our home.  Once a toy, book, stuffed animal, article of clothing, shoe, or piece of food hits the floor, they are required to move faster than a speeding bullet across the room, sweeping up dropped item and returning it to the designated area.  I understand that this may require some stunt moves.  That’s fine.  Now that I think of it, in addition to speed and willingness to wear “Everyday Khaki” paint color from the Sherwin Williams collection, CPU’s should probably know how to perform a back hand spring and corkscrew air spin. 

3.      Car Robot.   A robotic engineer will construct an android to assist me in all things involving the car and triplets.  Car robot loads The Trifecta into their car seats.  This may involve temporarily stunning them (there are a lot of melt downs seconds before we have to leave the house) inside the house before carrying them to the garage.  If a fight breaks out over who has to ride in the middle car seat, Car Robot manages the situation.   Well, now that I think of it that may or may not fall under the responsibilities of Super Nanny.  I’m not giving up on this dream.  I’m getting a Car Robot.

I also may or may not have plans to cover every square inch of our home in Lilly Pulitzer fabric.